~loNeLy gErr hU gOr+ lOs+ iN dE dArk~

haix.x ___ sad arhh.. now i noe how march u all hate mee lerhh...

2004-11-16T16:44:00.000-08:00

hmM.. tink mee guess korrect ler barhh.. u all reallee hate mEe..!! eberyone obb u..!! haix.x .. go outt neber ask mee terh go along.. good lorhh.. aniwae.. mee hab terh tank all obb u.. terh lett mee noe how march u all dun wan mee terh bee aroundd.. tank u..! sniff.! feel like cryin.. felt shoo badd.. u all surelee habb alortt obb farn ytd barh harhh?.. surelee enjoyed alort barhh..? good fer all obb u barhh.. i'm all alone now.. sniff.. haix.x.. at least shum obb u steel remember karyin.. at least ask her eeb she "gan de ji".. bart mee neh?.. haix.x.. cryin lerhh.. eberyone obb u jush hate mEe... sniff.!! sharddenlee feel shoo lonelee dan eber..!! mee kared shooo march fer u guys.. bart u all nerh?.. haix.x.. disappointed.. maybee u all reallee HEN WO barhh.. den mee now tank u fer hating mee lorhh.. TANK U.. ALL OBB U GUYS ARE REALLEE "GREAT"!!! sniff.!!!

ermm.. wondering where hab my quiz gone terhh?.. gEe..

2004-11-13T13:18:00.000-08:00

erm.. mee deleted dat quiz liaOo.. korsh, tink dat i shouldn't hab put "asked" der lastt questionn.. gEe.. beri wadd... shoO.. mEe tryin terh create a new one fer u worhh.. gEe.. gOod laRk.. muckx.!

dunno wart terhh sae actuallee.. haix.x__.++

2004-11-10T05:35:00.000-08:00

hmm.. dunno wart terh sae actuallee.. haix.x confused?.. jush now while i wash going back home all A.L.O.N.E .. all BY MYSELF.. i wash actuallee walking een der rain.. felt shoo lonelee.. honestlee.. tell u guys.. wheneber i am alone or wad.. mee jush carn't bee myself derhh.. dunno y.. mee will tink of all sorts of weird things.. reallee scared of dat feelin.. bart.. haix.x .. mee jush tink too march rite??.. all of u will sae mee owaes tink too muchh.. owaes liddat derh.. bart wad can i sae.. mee reallee carn't stop myself from tinking all dose negative thingyees.. der thing which u all can help mee ish.. make mee larf.. make mee tink of dose farnnee thingyees.. tink of dose harppee times when we r together.. den mee will forget der negative things lerhh.. i dunno.. bart eeb refuse terh help mee.. den dun sae mee keep tinkin of bad thingyees or wad derhh.. jush tell u guys.. I LURVE U GUYS.!.! muckx.x.!!!

com hao lerh..

2004-11-06T03:20:00.000-08:00

hmm.. bad news fer all of u.. my com hao lerh.. though i'm happee.. bart i'm beri beri sure dat all r nort.. haiz.. sorree larh.. u all sure beri disappointed rite? tinking dat, y my com shoo fast hao lerh.. haiz.. eben eeb i log in my msn.. no one will eber notice my existence and absence barh? sniff.. i'm no better dan a piece of shit.. no better dan anythin else.. haiz.. gort een terh 3b next year.. haiz.. scared stress sia.. at first i put E4 ash first choice, den E3 and den E2.. bart den jen sae eet ish better fer mee terh put de other wae round.. shoo.. mee put e@ ash my first choice norh.. den end up een E2.. bart larkilee larh.. neber kanna seperated weeb jen and karyin.. gEe.. bart sok yin, shin hwee and hui zhen all seperated lerh.. shoo sad.. we all hugged and cried.. lolx.. tinking of dat scene now.. makes mee felt like idiot[nort reallee larh..].. like hugging each other and cry while others are nort.. harharx.. gEe.. shoo happee.. next year, same klass weeb ruo ting, regina and carol dey all lerh.. hahax.. end here lerh worh.. leave ur comments worh.. muckx.! lurve u guys though i noe u guys dun lurve mee.. haiz..

sniff... com spoil lerh... haizZ...

2004-10-18T16:48:00.000-07:00

hmM... mEe taking diS cHanCe tErh wiSh all oF yOu gOod laRk eEn eBerythiN u aLL dO... gEe...

haiz... sad arh.. noe my results sux sia.. sniff.. dunno wad terh sae lerh.. at least i tink i'm feelin betta now than how i felt last time.. gEe.. should i bEe happee or sad?.. haiz.. tink less problems lerh barh... bart.. dere's steel one BIG problem bothering mee norh... tink dat +person+ noe barh.. bothering mee, tink about 7 months lerh barh?.. haiz.. wheneber i tink of dat prob.. i felt sad and hart-broken sia... haiz.. bart i've tried my beri best terh understand lerh.. shoO.. wish mee good lark in wadeber thin i'm going terh do een der +future+ barh?.. such ash.. +zhi sha+ +tiao lou+ lolx.. kiddin larh.. haiz.. bart feel like doing eet sia.. haiz..

no matter wad.. mee steel hab feelins lorh.. haiz.. hope he dun shee dis entry barh.. hmM.. jus wish dis +person+ good lark worh.. win her hart barh!!.. jia you worh!!.. mUck!!..
haiz.. mee cart my hair nort long ago.. and i noe it sux beri beri much sia!!!!! bart no difference barh.. kors i'm oleadee shoo uglee lerh.. haiz... i'm shoo damn fat and uglee.. no one likes mee.. ish jush dat u all act in front of mee onlee lorh... haiz..

and horh.. remember erh join ANTI_PEIXIN in friendster worh!!.. i noe u guys hate mee alort.. jush dat u all didn't sae eet out onlee... noe i'm irritatin.. sorree... sniff...

lub u owaes... muck__________

+.__unrequited lurve fer yar__.+

haizZ... siAn aRh___.++

2004-09-06T22:58:00.000-07:00

haiz... now mee onlee free on mondae and sundae onlee... if no netball.. mee needta go home straight eberydae sia... haiz... sian norh...!! sniff.. ytd i went back to skool fer der soopid maths lesson sia... went dere fer 1h 30min neh..!! haiz...! actuallee mee quite like maths der norh.. bart horh.. when i noe ish mrs tay teach der horh... den mee dun like maths lessons oleadeE... dat mrs tay horh... she let us koppee shumthing.. before i can koppee horh.. she erase all der things oleadee... dat's wad u hate about her norh!!! owaes liddat derh... argH... hmM.. before going into der skool... mee saw han xiang and wei ren... taking basketball into der skool... tink dey r going to plae bball in der skool barh... after maths lesson ler, when i was about to go home, mee saw more pple at der bball kourt lerh.. gort, troy, han xiang, wei ren, arron and yuan zhang... lol... bart after dat, hab to go straight home sia.. to make my ez-link card at buona vista... den went to jp wib my marmee... omg.. den saw wei cheng and messiah lorh.. shoO paiseh nia... lol... den narthin march to sae lerh barh? haiz... remember to leave ur comments worh..! gEe... tanks.. mUackzZ!!..

hmM... pUzzLeD... ][a . l . o . n . e][

2004-09-03T13:58:00.000-07:00

hmM... ytd late fer skool neh... mee 6.25am went down to der bus-stop... bart dat bus didn't carm as normal time norh... haiz.. mee waited fer dat stupid bus fer about 20 minutes lorh... haiz... den finallee carm lerh... bart dunno y... mee took 242 instead of dat 99 bus... kors mee tink dat 242 may take a shorter time to reach skool barh... bart i reached der interchange onlee at 7.05 neh... haiz... sure late der norh... den dunno y... remembered dat messiah sae dat he planned to be late fer skool wib his frens.. so, i asked him where he was lorh... den he sae dat he's meetin wib sum 2B frens in der hong kah east macdonald lorh... den aske dmee to go along oso lorh... he told mee dat dere's teresa and may dere to pei mee... gEe... so, since i'm late oleadi, might as well go meet dem lorh... den when i reached dere, mee saw messiah, yuan zhang, wei ren, teresa, may, arron, troy, ting sheng.. dey all planning to eat breakfast ober dere... haha... hmm.. mee dun eat breakfast der... so didn't eat anythin dere... onlee, troy, messiah and yuan zhang eat onlee barh? hmM... den mee started to be scared liao, so as teresa... hmm... ish our first time warh [can't blame].. lol... den we went into der H.O.D lorh... goh and govin ober dere... asked us y we carm so late lorh... den dunno hu sae eat breakfast... lol.. den goh asked all of us to go in one by one and call our parents up to speak to him lorh... mee scared norh... lol.. den horh.. messiah went in first, sec ish ting sheng, third ish arron? forth ish troy? den wei ren? den yuan zhang, den ish may, teresa, den i'm der last one... lol... all of dem wanted to go first marh, shoo mee let dem first lorh.. den mr goh asked all der ones hu hab called their parents, to go first... bart onlee left wei ren sitting dere lorh.. i tink ish bekors his parents nort at home or wad der barh? den left mee and him outside der H.O.D lorh.. messiah and teresa ish stil inside der H.O.D warh... mee at first wan to tok to him one... bart after awhile, when i was about to open my mouth and tok, mr goh asked mee to go back first... haiz... didn't take der chance to tok... lol... feelin disappointed barh? haiz.. den mee and messiah left first lorh... den left wei ren and teresa dere...
den after skool... all of us hab to go to H.O.D to look fer govin norh... he asked us to carry all der tables in 2A, 2B, 2C and 2D to der hall sia... den arron bargain wib govin norh... den in der end, we took 2B and 2D tables onlee... shum using trolleys while shum using hands norh... den dat theodore eben sae mee dat mee beri wad lorh... carry onlee 1 table by one time... haiz... i noe mee no hope ler larh.. sorree larh!.. haiz... der tables reallee beri heaby lorh... haiz... den after dat, go home liao.. den my daddee neber scold mee.. jus asked mee quite alort of questions and asked mee nort to do dis kinda things again lerh.. bart, when my marmee noe lorh, den she scolded mee until like siao lorh.. haiz.. from evening until nite, still dere toking bout my foolish act...
haiz... mee didn't go to jenmey's house... haiz.. now my marmee working lerh... shoo... mee hab to go back home straight after skool on wed and fridae... shumtimes, tuesdae and thursdae oso neh.. she told mee, dat i can onlee stae in skool on mon.. and go out on sundae... haiz.. sian lorh...

my results beri beri bad norh...

english : 56 [C5]
chinese : 70 [A2]
maths : 74 [A2]
science : 65 [B3]
literature : 63 [B4]
art : 89 [A1]
d & t : 74 [A2]
geography : 53 [C6]
history : 55 [C5]

hmM.. average onlee 66.6 norh... haiz...
now u noe how hopeless i am ler barh??...
sniff``____

][maybe.i.am.jus.to.foolish.to.tink.bout.him``__as.he.wun.eber.gonna.like.mee.derh__.++][

][i.will.still.kare.and.wait.fer.him.no.matter.wad__``lurve.him.owaes__.++][

][it's.nice.to.noe.dat.u.were.dere__``tanks.fer.acting.like.u.kared__.++][

++.__thank you__.++

[at least u made mee felt better by actin like u kared barh..?]

____sniff``____

cRieD nEh... cAn't tAke iT aNeE-mOre...

2004-08-30T18:27:00.000-07:00

haiz.. todae cried out all alone in der toilet seh... tears kept flowing non-stop neh... haiz... der whole eyes red lerh... mee so sad sia... all my results shoO lan sia... aLL of dem... snifF..!!!
can i hug anyone of u???... sniff... mee cried todae... kors of manee reasons sia...
1) my history results
2) hiM
3) my toes beri pain
4) maths results worse dan yuan zhang
5) veri hopeless
6) spine beri beri pain
7) my rsults all beri bad
8) hate myself for being so useless and soopid

haiz... everyone ish like, celebrating and congratulating each otha for their results fer HISTORY lorh... while i cried all by myself in der toilet sia... it hurts so much... SO MUCH... sniff... some one hug mee plesh...! i'm so useless!!! so soopid!!! i'm jus like a ger wib no brain at all... gib mee brain oso no use... haiz...
mee oso beri worree fer my spine dere... dunno why... pain fer 3-5 daes le neh... scare i one dae, sleep liao, der next dae, cannort sit up lerh... fereba lie dere on der bed lerh[touch wood larh..].... haiz...
sniff... all of u all oso starting to buck up ler lorh... left mee all by myself in der last position sia... snif.. i dun tink dere's anybodee hu's history results ish worst dan mee der lorh... haiz!! dis ish der subject, i worked shooO damn hard fer it lorh... bart... der results came out like dis... damn disappointed and hurt sia... sniff!!! i neEd *uR* warmth...!!!!
haiz... still can't ferget him... haiz...

sad arH... disAppOintEd__.++

2004-08-26T20:41:00.000-07:00

haiz... though der exams r ober liao... mee still so sad and worried... dunno y... feelin so lost and sad... haiz... bekors of him barh? .. haiz... mee feelin so cold... so lonelee... reallee hopeless lerh... all my results get so bad sia... sniff... tin my maths, chinese, hist and geog... sniff... die liao... i hate myself fer being so hopeless nia... haiz... sad... der moment i see him like sad sad derh... my mood change liao... from bad to worse?.. haiz... jus hope dat he will be happee... see him smile... at least i'll feel betta barh?.. haiz... buy a new p.k. again... ish messiah buy fer mee derh... lol... thanx wor, messiah!.. hmM.. bart, dunch worree barh? mee promise i wun cart ler okie? =)
haiz... still like him alort... dunno y... tried gibing up him alort of times lerh... bart, all of dem jus failed... haiz... feel like hugging him and cry it all out now! [though i noe i can't].. bart crying it all out will at least feel betta barh?.. i noe he will neber like mee derh... bart, i'll jus lurve him wib all my hart no matter wad... reallee... jus wish dat he'll be happee barh.. dat's all... dun wanna see him sad lerh... mee will feel even more depress derh... haiz... i reallee lurve ya...
try to be happee now a daes... tink abeet succeed ler barh?.. hope so... lol... haiz...
(habing headache arh.. so pain.. haiz__.++ )

][_i.rather.hab.him.in.der.darkness_`dan.lose.him.in.der.brightness__]

___bl li indd_____________________.++

narthin march to tok about ler barh??..

2004-08-21T15:37:00.000-07:00

haiz.. yarp.. jen arh.. mee gort bak der blade from dolli[der great] ler.. lolzZ... hmm.. she beri good worh.. gib bak to mee... haha.. aiyah.. wad u worree fer??.. i promise i wun cart lerh, okiE??.. mee dun wanna break any promises again lerh... i've regretted breaking and nort listening to my fren's advice ler lorh.. sorree worh.. mee now reallee dun wish anyone to be angree wib mee lorh... sorree everyone, incase i de zui u wib out realising... sorree... fergib mee??..
hmm... first, ish sumone angree wib mee... bart after dat, yuan zhang angree wib mee lerh... haiz.. see and look everyone... mee so dumb and hopeless.. kept making everyone angry.. haiz... mee shooO irritating sia... haiz...
haha... noe u all yesterdae went to der c.o. concert thingy... mus be beri beri farn barh??.. noe dere will sure be sum of u feelin shooO happee dat i'm nort dere... korrect??.. hmM... no one will eber notice my absence and my existence... dat's y... haiz... feelin so lonelee..

hmM... so hUrt__.++

2004-08-19T20:40:00.000-07:00

hmM... wad can i sae??.. narthin lorh... bart i noe my attitude sux alort yesterdae... messiah blocked mee... kinda *argue* wib sum one on mSn oso... haizZ... haiz... bart no matter wad.. i still kare alort fer dat person... i dun mind him nort karing fer mee.. bart jus damn sad when i saw dose hurting words appearing... sniff.. cried ytd oso... dats y todae's eyes so swollen??.. haiz... so sad and hurt nia... jus wanna sae sorree fer dat person... apologise... bart if he's still angry wib mee.. den dere's reallee narthin i can do lerh.. ='(
erm.. todae der history test to mee arh... quite difficult nehh... dunno how to do sum of der question nia.. bart all my otha frens noe lorh... die liao... prepared to fail fer der test... so hopeless sia... haizz...
hmM... heard dat dey r going to der chinese orchestra tomoro worhh... hmm... mee dun wan to go larh... nort welcumed and oso, dun wan to bee extra ober dere lorh... mee jus hope dat dey will hab alort of farn dere barh??.. mus hab farn worhh!!..

dEprEssEd??.. cOnfusEd...

2004-08-18T17:58:00.000-07:00

hmM... tOdAe... val rEtuRneD mEe dE pEnkNifE dAt sHe cOnfiScatEd fRom mEE a fEw daEs aGo... gEe... bArt hOr... diD *sUmthiN* tO mY haNd a fEw miNutes aFteR dAt... eR... sOrrEe hOr, mEssiaH aNd wEi rEn... mEe bReAk dE pROmiSe dAt i'vE mAdE tO bOf oF yA... hAizZ... mEe juS sHooO hOpEleSs... cAN'T eBeN stOp mYsElf frOm bReakiNg dE prOmiSeS i mAdE tO sO mAnEe oF u gUys niA... sOrrEe... dUn bEe wOrrEe aBOut mEe... bArt hOr... hOneStLeE bArh... i admiTteD dAt diS cArtS r dE mOst pAinfuL aNd loNg oNeS... aBouT 7 tO 9.5 cm lOng wOrr... hAizZ... baReE pAiN... hOpE mEssiAh wUn dO aNythiN shooO fOOliSh likE meE tOo wOrr... hAizZ... dEn rUo_tiNG sAw mY nEw bLooDeE cArtS oN mY haNds tOdAE... lolzZ... sOrrEe hOr, dAt timE dUnnO hOw tO aNsWeR u.. lolzZ... den iN dE eNd... mY pENkniFE gOrt cOnfiScAteD bY mY frEns aGaiN... hAizZ... giB iT bAk tO mEe!!!...
nebeRmiNd... lEt'S cHangE toPic bArh... haR hAr... tOdAE mRs tay rEturNeD oUr mAthS tEsT pApErs bAk lErh... lolZz.. finallEe wOrr... hmM.. dUnnO nEh... jUs qUiTe hApPeE dAt i didN't lOsE tO dat yUaN zhAnG... lolzZ... hAizZ.. nUthiN tO sAe lerH...
kOrs wAd eBeR i sAid... oShO caN't chAnGe aNythiN... nObOdEe wiLL nOtiCe mY aBsEnCe... aNd nObodEe wiLL eBeR nOtiCe mY eXisTeNcE tOo... sNiFf...

sAd aRh...

2004-08-17T12:19:00.000-07:00

haiz... sad arh... kanna caught by mr govin sia... argh... sorree worxX... i now hor... beri worried bout u guys sia... especiallee dose hu cut ur hand... kors now hor, mr govin ish patrolling around, see hu oso cart their hand lor... haiz... reallee beri beri sorree... all of u... haiz... reallee soree... forgib mee..? plesh..? haiz...
i'm jus so hopeless sia... no one likes or karess bout mee... no one at all... nort even myself nia... haiz... jus so sad... yuan zhang... u wantu die n get outta dis pathetic world rite??.. when u wan and prepared to die hor... tell mee okiE??.. i wantu die too...
sniff... i'm jus so lonelee nia... so hopeless... i hate myself... no one will eber eber notice my absence or my soul... no one at all... i'm now, jus stuck in dat hollow world... all alone by myself... wif no exits, no nuthin...
i'm jus nort worth to bee anythin dat exists on dis earth... jus narthin at all... haiz...
and all dis... ish i started it out all by myself... no one was at fault except fer mee... haiz...

hmM... planning tO dO sUmthin...

2004-08-15T20:31:00.000-07:00

haizZ.. my parents saw my cuts le... bart larkeeli dey believed dat i *accidentallee* cart myself when i was doing my art project... hmM... one of my carts like fading off le... sO mEe planNinG tO bUY *sUmthiN* bEri *sPeciaL* frOm dE bOOk sHOp tOmOrOw... eR.. baRt i wUn tell aNybodee wad i'm going to buy... it's a secret worx.. gEe... okie.. gtg liao... leave ur comments down worx... bYe... n take kare!! mUackZz..!!

hmm... more things happened todae...

2004-08-13T21:14:00.000-07:00

haiz... todae i cried my hart out during recess... haiz.. onlee messiah was allowed to be beside mee... kors i jus wan to share wib one person... haiz... and when i walked past my frens, i dunno y i felt scared and stressed up when they called fer my name and ask wad happenned to mee... haiz... so sad... i cried fer everythin... i cried fer my soopidness... cried fer him... cried fer de stress i'm having...!!! haiz... messiah quite pro in consoling pple... dat's y i look fer him... haiz... so sad... no mood now... MOODLESS... loneliess hab cum and find mee...? i'm stress up... getting krazee... sniff...

wAd hAppEneD tOdAe...

2004-08-12T20:50:00.000-07:00

Hmm.. todae ar... beri confused... when we went up to hab our art lessons, ms hoe told us to sit outside, kors we were late fer her lesson... haiz... so hab to sit outside lor... i was sitting wib hui zhen, jenmey and valerie... den.. i dunno y.. i took up de penknife on my left... and start to cut my hand... [bart lied to my family dat i gort cut accidentally when i was doing my project...] gEe... hmm... cut 9 lines on de underside of my hand 9 times.. haiz... den... none of my frens saw.. *pHew* hmmM.. den hor.. i showed it to messiah when we went back to klass... he saw le.. den held my hand beri beri tightlee sia..[beri pain nor..!!!] he den ask mee nort to cart anymore le.. when he said dis hor.. he looked beri fierce and serious.. so scared sia.. haiz.. den hor.. he oso go cart his hand.. i beat him.. kors i oso dun wan him to cart himself.. though it was mee hu asked mee to pei wo cart.. i regretted le.. i shouldn't hab ask him to pei wo.. sorree everyone.. ish my fault.. haiz.. den.. i snatched de penknife from him, and cart four more lines on my upper side of my hand.. hmm.. quite deep de ba.. bart mr lim was standing rite infront of mee when i cart my hand.. haiz.. den after dat.. he asked mee and messiah to look followed him back to de staff room.. bart dunno y.. chong huan followed us too.. haha.. den mr lim warned us nort to cart ourselves again le lor.. and oso scared mee by telling mee dat my hand will rot if i continue to cart.. i will hab a disease if i accidentally use a rusty penknife.. haiz.. so now.. altogether.. mee and messiah hab 13 carts on one of our hands.. again, sorree to dose pple hu kared fer messiah, i sorree fer asking him to pei mee cart my hand.. i'm sorree..

haizZ...

2004-08-11T20:15:00.000-07:00

Haiz.. todae late fer skool.. haiz.. should hab listen to his advice and sleep earlee.. den i wun be late fer skool ler.. haha.. slept at 2am last night worx.. lolzZ.. tink nobodee noticed dat i was missing during de flag-raising ceremony ba.. haiz.. nobodee will notice my absence..
Hmmm.. messiah todae.. coughed until beri cham in de morning wor.. gEe.. den after dat, influenced mee.. den mee starting to cough a little oso.. lolz.. bart mee rather he sits next to mee.. kors if he sit beri far.. I will worree de.. lolzZ.. at first he like purposelee coughed until beri loud fer miss lim to hear lor.. den miss lim see him cough until shooo kelian, so send him to de sick-bay lor.. he good la, no need to listen to mrs tay's lesson.. during recess hor, he told mee dat he hab to go home later le.. bart I to the was joking mar.. den i told him dat, i wun eba gonna let him go home.. kors i'm scared of being sitting all alone at my seat.. haiz.. bart, after returning from de canteen.. i sat at my seat, looking at de empty and cold seat beside mee.. i was scared.. reallee.. haiz.. feelin so lonelee..
Haiz.. dun shee him owaes like happee happee krazee krazee de wor.. actuallee he gort alort of problems de.. sumtimes he will share wib mee or sum 2b pple.. bart hor, when he in klass hor, if he feelin down or wad de hor.. he will sit beside mee, like day dreaming liddat.. quiet quiet de.. den i start to worree le.. sumtimes hor.. he will like, beat mee until beri beri hard lor.. he like wan to venge all his hatred n anger on mee liddat [beri pain de neh..!] bart see his face like more betta after beating mee hor, i was relieved.. i rather he beat mee and felt betta.. n nort stitting dere quiet quiet de.. messiah ar.. mus treat urself well hor.. dun owaes keep all ur sorrows in ur hart.. mus let it out okie..? Either cum find mee or otha pple whom u tink u trust.. dun keep everything inside okee..? liddat wun do any good to ur bode de.. =) all dis things dat i've said, oso goes to dose pple hu r feelin down too de wor..
And to wei ren hor.. heard and see dat u're more livelier dan last time le.. at least u tend to tok more le.. =) last time hor.. see u like owaes alone de.. beri worried u noe..? hmmM.. bart now, see u liddat le.. den feel happee fer ya ba.. less worree fer u le.. =) anywae.. jus telling u dat ur apology ish still nort accepted worx.. gEe.. bleh..! btw.. oso tank u fer ur comments worx.. =) lolzZ.. exams cumming le..! mus jia you worx..! cannort let de pple around u disappointed wor!! =) alort of pple do kare fer u de!!! =) gOOd laRk..!
Haiz.. tink i will fail fer my geog test le.. dAt gOoD mR LONG la.. he was shooO good dat he gave a big zero fer my MCQ section.. haiz.. ish all my fault actuallee, fer nort listening to his instructions.. bart mee reallee neber hear anything although he said so manee times le.. haiz.. maybe i was tinking of sumthing else bar.. haiz..
Hmmm.. now hor.. tink onlee a few pple reallee do kare fer mee de ba..? like messiah, karyin, jenmey, hui zhen, wei ren, jia hui, and may..? bart when i'm sad, i will go to messiah and share wib him all my probs inside mee.. bart oso cannort owaes go find him de mar.. he oso gort alort of probs le.. if i add sum of my sorrows to him hor.. i scared dat he can't take it one dae.. lolzZ.. so maybe i will go find sum one else le ba..? haiz..
dese goes to everyone : tanks fer everything worx!!!

dEr hOpeLeSs mEe__

2004-08-09T21:46:00.000-07:00

hAizZ... damn sad le... hmmm... tink no one likes mee ba... especially dat boi... haizz... and i noe he wun eba likes mee... i'm ugly, fat, hopeless, stoopid, irritating, annoying... still gort alort bad points bout mee... y nort all of u guys, choose a date and sae out all my bad points har...? den dat will oso be de beri last dae of mine le... hmmm... er... to dat anonymous guy_:
hmm.. i tink i noe hu u r le... haizz... i dun really kare about anythin else otha than u le... [sorriE... i've been krazee now a daes le...] mee reallee too tired to kare about anythin else le... so tired... bart... i will try to help u pray de... see u happee, i oleadi man zhu le... really beri man zhu le... u wantu sae hi to mee..? and i run awae...? oops... sorrie worxx... i dunno... haiz... mee oso wanted to sae hi to u alort of times... bart jus too scared dat u 'll be teased by ur frens ba... wanted to tok to u too... bart tink u 'll probably walk awae ba... hmmZ... jus hope dat de gurl will like u... kors i wanna see u happee... and if u r a fei wu... den wad am i..? a shit..? nah... mee nort worth to be a shit still... shoud be de most hopeless and useless in de world ba... haiz... anywae... u nort scare dat ur frens will tease u after dey see dis note left by u meh..? hope dat dey wun recognise ish u ba...
hmmm... bak to mee... mee jus living all alone rite now ba..? dun believe can ask yuan zhang and theodore... both of them even sae dat my frens pang seh mee during de time we went to de esplanade lorz... haiz... felt soooo damn hurt after hearing wad dey said... hmm... oso cannort sae anything... wadeva i do... oso cannort change anything... haiz... if u see mee walking alone... maybe dats de real mee...? i dunno y... last time i've being faking a smile fer u guys... haiz... too tired to smile now a daes le... really tired... tired to carry on my life... i noe i've stil gort a long long wae to go... haiz... hope u guys will tolerate mee okie..? see ya... buy buy... lurve ya guys... muackz...

mY fEeliNgs r aLL miXeD uP___

2004-08-07T23:10:00.000-07:00

haizZ... anywae... u guys out dere, i'm pei xin here__ hmM... dunno y... feelin down, perhaps beri down all of a sudden... reallee... suddenlee feel so down and confused... tried to smile, bart failed most of de times... i, myself oso dunno y... pple cum running towards mee n ask mee y i'm feelin down, i reallee dunno how to answer dem... haizz... no one noes how exactlee i'm feelin rite now... perhaps ish bekors of de exams and tests...? or izzeet bekors of *him*...? i've tried mannee mannee times and waes to ferget *him*... i've really tried... bart can't... de moment i klose my eyes to calm myself down... dere he stood rite infront of mee in de dark... i jus can't put him outta my mind... feelin so hopeless... reallee...
haizz... i noe beri well dat no one can help mee get outta dis confusion except fer *him*... bart of kors i can't force *him* to do anything... i noe i'm hopeless... *he* wun eba hab any feelins fer mee... as *he* hab oleadi lurve a ger shooo much le... sniff... owaes cried in de toilet all by myself when eba i'm feelin down... wad can i do.? _i noe dere's nuthin i can do_
*he* lurves dat ger... so all i can do... ish to support *him*.. and jus hope dat de ger will like *him* bak ba... haizz... both of them hab my blessings...
haizz... de moment i tink of *him*... my mind will all went blank, and ferget wad i'm doing... until sumone calls fer mee... den onlee he will pop outta my mind... i'm stressed and farked up... by exams and *him*... so lost all of a sudden... scared dat i will fail for my exams... especially english[my weakest subject]...
i jus wished dat i could see him smile... den i'm beri satisfied le...
sniff... okee le... de more i tok about *him*... de more upset i will be... so i shall end here le ba... bye guys... i will miss all of u... reallee... [kors i scared dat i suddenly becum deaf, blind or wad de... den i will regret beri much as i dun reallee kare abt u guys in de past... mannee of my frens sae dat i tink too much le... bart... i jus couldn't throw these problems outta my mind, jus can't...] bye... i will lurve all of u guys... muackzz...!!!!! tanks fer all of ur karing towards mee... tank u... i'm touched... reallee... buy buy...!!! muackzZ.!!!
[anywae... if i stare at u or even shouted at u... plesh fergib mee... as i'm really stressed an farked up... and i dun reallee noe wad i'm doing now a daes... try to tolerate mee... tank u, and oso, sorree... hope u guys dun mind... maybe sum of u guys should scold mee and try to wake mee up, try to help mee get outta dis confusion i'm in ba... okee... i should go le.. bye guys...!!]

tHE fiRsT eNtRyz

2004-07-08T06:37:00.000-07:00

hiyazz~! DoLLi thE 'GrEaT' herez... =] kAryiN ishh osO hEre wOrr` DiS isH g0nNa bE pEi XiN's bL0gGy.... wE arE hElpiNgg hErr makE hErr blOgg.. =]